Sick & Tired

I'm definitely tired.

and sick.

I lost my voice yesterday (or i guess it was Saturday night) and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better.

but it's not just that.

I'm sick and tired of people and things that I always think are going to change. I don't know why I think things are going to be different-because they never are and probably never will be-but I suppose I just fool myself into thinking that things will be different. Why do I fool myself? Why don't I heed the red flags that go up in my own head before anyone else warns me? Why can't I just accept that, as much as I'd like these things and people to change, they won't?

and, after I accept, why can't I forgive? People have used me, they've used my friends, and they've used me (and YES i meant to repeat that!). Why do I pretend everything's ok? Why don't I tell them how I really feel? Why didn't I just say "YES!" when the time came to say "YES!" I should just be able to tell people, "yes i have a problem with that" or "no, you shouldn't do that" and be done with it...

..but I can't.